Windows Fail 7 – It could have been so good!

WP7 image

Sorry about the last run of political rants, yes yes I’ve heard you all, I had a bee in my bonnet and the anger showed!  So back to my friendly congenial self…..  Nah fuck it! What I have for you today is a massive rant about one of the most Fucktarded Mobile launches ever.. Microsoft you should get “Douchbag of the Year” award for this one!

It was supposed to be yet another iPhone killer, the flashy new Phone OS that was going to make Apple panic. Well, didn’t that turn to shit fast. As of July 2011 Windows Phone 7 has a grand total of.. wait for it.. 1% share of the US Market. Yes thats it! 1 fucking percent. To be honest its no wonder, poorly implemented, badly thought out, fuck all apps and an anemic marketing campaign. It’s almost like it got to the Marketing Department at Microsoft and they’ve all gone, “holly fucking hell what the FUCK can we do to spin this crap!”

To be honest there’s a lot I like about WP7. It’s fast, it’s easy to use (I’ve seen 70 yo’s using it with ease) and I like the design. Compared to Android, for a non-tech person, it’s far simpler and more inviting to delve into. Ok, so given that, where did they fuck up, now this is where the weird shit begins..

  • No Windows Sync over the wire – hello? what? YES, how fucking basic and stupid of them, even the Dictatorial Jobs allows you to physically plug your iPhone into a PC and sync it. I mean seriously what a basic and stupid omission. Oh, you can do it with a Hotmail account? No, well yes and no. You can’t sync your existing outlook calendar with it because – surprise surprise – Hotmail wont sync with your Outlook calendar, you need to create a shared calendar then use that. I was told to “move my appointments to the shared calendar” umm hello – all 6000 of them. No fuck that, I found an easier solution, I bought a Blackberry.  How bizarre that Microsoft’s own Phone OS won’t sync with it’s own software! I also discovered that if you want to easily calendar sync over the air, use Gmail, it will actually sync your OUTLOOK calender with it’s calendar… seriously.. how Fucktarded! Oh, here’s an even easier idea, just buy an Android phone and all that’s built in!
  • Windows Marketplace – pfft, come on stop laughing. Yes, stop it. On the upside it’s not like Android or Apples App Stores, you can easily skip through all the titles available in 5 mins. I don’t know why they bothered with a search function!
  • Zune – ok I see you’re buckled over now and tears streaming from your eyes, I promise no more jokes. Well ok one, Itunes! Shit, I think you’ve wet your pants now!
  • No Copy and Paste on launch – Jobs must have been laughing in his weeties when he heard about this after all the shit he copped. Again, what the fuck? is this 1980?
  • Their Office Apps are CRAP! yeah another light bulb moment there, hello, you make the world’s most used office applications yet you totally fuck them on your phone OS. They are too basic to even be helpful to  a fucking 7 yo..

I could go on but I think this small sampling of their fuckups makes the point. I was so excited about it, then so let down. It’s like internet dating – she looks so hot in her profile pic (his for the girls) and has such a wild imagination, till you meet and see their pic is 10 years old and 50 kilos less and they have the personality of a plank. All promise, no delivery!

However dear readers there is a glimmer of hope on my Anti-Apple horizon. Despite Microsoft letting me down! Android is fighting the good fight, that same survey that found WP7 had 1% market share, also reported this..

  • Apple – 27%
  • Android – 38%

YAAAAHHHHH!!!!! Now THAT cheered me up!!!! Bring it Google!!!! I’m feeling the LOVE!

Fleshy

Oh.. here’s a link to the story that gives the Market Share figures, plus has Ballmer admitting they fucked up! well worth a read – Microsoft’s Ballmer admits Windows Phone 7 has so far failed

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