Archives for July 2011

Carbon Tax, Labour you Fucktards!

For my overseas friends, and for Aussies who have been living under a rock, let me first tell you what a carbon tax is. In Australia the Government want to introduce a Tax on Carbon output. The idea being that, if they put a price on it, companies will find it financially beneficial to spend money on ways to reduce their carbon output. Makes sense. And that’s about the only fucking thing that will make sense from this point in!

Next, where do I stand on greenhouse gases and carbon tax? Well I have to admit I’m convinced that our carbon output is substantially changing the climate, so I don’t think it’s an all together bad thing to reduce it. Also, I’m so fucking over choking on car fumes every time I go for my daily walk! Yes it’s about me! The carbon tax however, I’m ambivalent to. In reality it will reduce worldwide emissions by 0.00053533% FUCK you say.. YES I say.. that’s it. On the other side of the coin, to get the real badarse emitters (US and China I’m fucking looking at you!) to start doing something the smaller countries have to take the lead. Norway have a scheme and it’s very successful and the sky didn’t fall in on them.

And THATS where we venture into the wasteland! You see it’s not the carbon part that’s making my blood boil. Labor you dickheads, ITS THE TAX PART YOU FUCKTARDS!!! Australia is currently experiencing what appears to be a recession. Consumer sales are down, business is sluggish. Why? Because Mr and Mrs Joe-fucking-average are scared. After the boom spending and silliness of the past few years, then the turgid shit arsed pain of the Global Financial Crisis, suddenly they can’t afford squat. Utility costs are up, we’ve had a swath of natural disasters, cost of living is rising yet wages are just a fly shit above stagnate. They are sitting at home in the dark SHITTING themselves! Ask any retailer in Australia, they open up every morning and cry when they get an actual spending customer in! Yes it’s that bad, I should know, I have a howl every morning now!

Economists use this term “consumer confidence” to describe the likelihood of people to basically spend money. It’s a little more complicated than that but you get the drift. Now “consumer confidence” is a fragile thing. It’s unpredictable, it’s easily spooked. And after May, it was getting braver, venturing out in short trips, starting to feel a little safe. Then an economic Doc Martins Boot slammed down next to it and caused it to scurry off to its little hole when the FUCKTARTED FUCKTARDS we call a Government decided IN SLOW ECONOMIC TIMES to announce a new TAX. BRILLIANT, FUCKING BRILLIANT. That’s what we wanted. I know I was sitting at work at the end of June and turned to my Manager and said.. “fuck, it’s getting too easy, let’s hope we have a new TAX”

Now this isn’t just a go at Labour (Australia’s current Governing party) OH NO.. there’s the fucking Greens whacking off in the corner of the Senate going “oh BABY, Carbon reduction.. oh fuck yeah!!”, and those ass-wipes in opposition (The Liberals – same as the Torys and Republicans) are also to blame. That born again christian tosser Tony “Speedos” Abbot is running around like chicken-fucking-little telling anyone stupid enough to believe the fucktard that, THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING, WE’RE ALL FUUUCCCKKKEEDDDD. So, you have one party using that delightful 3 letter word T-A-X, which ALWAYS cheers people up, and the other major party telling us we’ll be personally bankrupt the minute it comes in.

OMFG!!! WE’RE FUCKING SCREWED!!!!

Well no…

Ok, the reality is unless you’re a rich bastard earning well over 100K, you’ll be ok, in some cases better off with the tax concessions (see tax can be a friendly word!). And the anticipated “shocking” price rises, hmm, let me see, cost of bread will increase .0015 cents. YES, THAT readers is a FACT! There is a host of published material outlining the real price changes and it is certainly worth a read. Still, I so want to get Julia Gillard (Australia’s current Prime Minister)  in a room and “calmly explain” “Julia, I know you’re smart, I do, BUT  JULIA  A TAX.. WTF are you thinking!!! YOU’RE LABOR!! YOU DONT FUCK PEOPLE!!!!! YOU LOVE THEM!! BAD JULIA..

Poor little consumer confidence is getting the old arse fucking from hell right now. Why didn’t we do this in 2 years, let the economy recover, give people a fucking break to enjoy a little stability and calm.

Politics sucks and not in the good way.. the sooner we all realise this and form Principalities in our own fucking yards the better. ” I AM KING FLESHY, NO TAX”

FUCKTARDS!

Fleshy

Own my own Business… What the FUCK was I thinking

In Australia you hear a lot about the plight of the “aussie worker” and until about 12 months ago I was one of that supposed down trodden class. Business owners are the fat cats living off the sweat and toil of their humble poor workers, smoking fat Havan Cigars lit off hundred dollar bills and holidaying with Penthouse Pets. So I thought, fuck yeah that’s for me and I’d scale the heights of massive profits and class status and, omfg Own My Own Business.

What a load of putrid shit. Aussie workers have NOTHING to FUCKING complaint about. Try having a business you whingers, try paying staff, the bills, the rent, the bank, the blood sucking Govt Departments, THE TAX OFFICE! Then comply with obscure trading regulations, competition rules, Warranty rules, Human Resources, Workplace Health and Safety. UUGGGHHHHH.

Oh Workplace Health and Safety, lol.. if this wasn’t true it’d be funny. Recently in Australia a corporation got sued by, and lost, to a employee because.. wait for it.. they slipped over in THEIR OWN HOME, while working from said home. The court deemed their employer was responsible for the state of THEIR house, and let me make it clear, this person WANTED to do this, the company didn’t force them to work from  home, THIS SUITED THE EMPLOYEE. So not only are we responsible for a safe workplace.. but your fucktarded home as well! NICE! I’m sure at some point some fuck will sue an employer because they didn’t install a fucking pool at their home so they could cool off on those hot summer days when  they were home working!

ARSES!!!!!

Ok I acknowledge there are a small percentage of small business owners who are shonky motherfuckers.. god knows I’ve worked for some. But what about the rest of us, the honest ones, the ones who pay on time, provide bonuses, a safe work environment? CARE about their staff. Why must we be regulated out of fucking existence. Here’s a little tip Labor – oh and i’m looking at you too Liberal! Australian Small Business employ the LARGEST percentage of TAX PAYING workers and pay a FUCK LOAD of tax themselves. We can’t afford fancy Lawyers for “Bottom of the Harbour” tax schemes! No we just diligently “pay the piper” every fucking Quarter.

That’s right you Public Service arses, WE make you look good when the employment figures come out, WE pay your wages… you know WAGES, something you’re only likely to get once in a while if you own a small business because, your the last fucker to get paid!

OK, so this isn’t really a shot at ALL Aussie workers, in fact I love my staff, they work hard, genuinely worry about how my business is going and deserve every cent they get paid. However this is for the shallow minded fuckwits who think the world owes them a living (or can sue over PETTY BULLSHIT reasons), get off your arses and do some work dickheads!

So why this rant? well im sitting here tonight still working through the nightmare that is the Australia BAS system and a friend of mine (thanks Lisa) sent me the following, it’s not mine but I’d love to know who wrote it.. because it is sooo very fucking true..

The Department of Labor received an anonymous tip that a local employer was exploiting a mentally retarded worker, so they sent an agent to investigate. When the agent arrived at the workplace, he was greeted by the owner who asked what was the purpose of the visit. The agent said he wanted to know how many people worked there and what they were paid.The owner said: “We have two workers here. One is my assistant. I pay him $22 an hour, give him two breaks a day, four week’s vacation with pay each year, provide lunch, and pay for his sick days. Then there is a mentally challenged worker. He works about eighteen hours every day, does about 90% of all the work, and makes about $10 per week. He has no breaks and gets nothing for sick days. But I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life.”The agent was shocked and said: ‘That’s the guy I want to talk to, the mentally challenged one.”The owner replied: “That would be me.”

FUCK YEAH!
Fleshy