YAAF – The campaign we had to have

The Australian Productivity commission has finally realised what retailers have know for ever, one of Australia’s biggest employer groups is being killed by inflexible labour laws, restrictive trading hours and crippling penalty rates. Consider the average pay rate on a retail floor is 15 dollars an hour, and the jerk wad that packs you books at Amazon is getting 8 bucks an hour (US Dollars so thats even cheaper) you start to see the “global market” in fucking action.

And neither party has a fucking solution. The Liberals want to abolish all workers rights (aka “Work Choices”) and Labour want to shove an 8 foot pole up the employers asses (aka “Fair Work”). Can’t you CUNTS meet in the middle! No one wants to see workers get treated like slave labour, but I think if you ask the workers they would like a business to actually trade profitably so, oh I don’t know, they have FUCKING JOBS in 12 months! And the mother-fucking Unions are in the newspaper claiming that Retailers want the labour laws changed to add to their “already fat profits” Oh My Fucking God, you can tell those CUNTS have never run a retail business. Fat Profits, Fuck Off! Try  not even getting FUCKING paid because once they pay their costs, their staff, the penalty rates, the fucking super, sick leave, holiday leave, they get JACK FUCKING SHIT! Oh and fuck you assholes for trying to tell us how we should run our businesses, yes every business owner operates with a view to LOOSING MONEY! Fucktarded fucktards! Get your fucking Union heads out of your fat chair sitting office pondering ASSES! We are not ALL Coles Myer or Woolworths!

SO whats my solution to this impass. Well at the next federal election I’m starting a campaign in memory of a great friend of mine (this was my Tribute to him) who sadly passed away this year. You see he understood politics, he debated it with me constantly. He listened to the fucking Parliamentary radio broadcasts for relaxation. Yet he NEVER liked the choices he had at voting time. So what did he do? Well every election he’d get his ballot paper and in big confident letters across the form he’d write.. YOU ARE ALL FUCKED! Yes THAT’s my strategy. Everyone is to write “You Are All Fucked” on their ballot papers. And what will this do? Well this is considered an informal vote, surprisingly. And if you get a certain percentage of informal votes, they have to declare the election void and do it again. Now it’s a sure bet even Labour and Liberal aren’t stupid enough to run the same policies and leaders. Imagine that, we’d get REAL choices!

Ok I need to check the run it again fact, but it’s early and I’m tired! I will check it!

At the moment I’m not voting for that sycophantic, Green’s-ass kissing Gillard, nor am I voting for the born-again, oh-I’ve-changed-my-mind-again Abbott. What a fucking choice! You know if Malcom Turbull ran I’d give him a go. Let’s face it he actually announces his position and sticks by it! What a goddam fucking revelation! Sure he cocked up last time as Opposition Leader, but come on he was new. Howard had how many cracks at being Leader? I mean we’ve got the choice between a fucking solicitor, Journalist or, bring it on, a Merchant Banker. I mean at least he’ll fix the fucking economy!

So people, it begins here and now.. YAAF! My campaign for 2013! Fuck them up and fuck them up GOOD!

Fleshy

Carbon Tax, Labour you Fucktards!

For my overseas friends, and for Aussies who have been living under a rock, let me first tell you what a carbon tax is. In Australia the Government want to introduce a Tax on Carbon output. The idea being that, if they put a price on it, companies will find it financially beneficial to spend money on ways to reduce their carbon output. Makes sense. And that’s about the only fucking thing that will make sense from this point in!

Next, where do I stand on greenhouse gases and carbon tax? Well I have to admit I’m convinced that our carbon output is substantially changing the climate, so I don’t think it’s an all together bad thing to reduce it. Also, I’m so fucking over choking on car fumes every time I go for my daily walk! Yes it’s about me! The carbon tax however, I’m ambivalent to. In reality it will reduce worldwide emissions by 0.00053533% FUCK you say.. YES I say.. that’s it. On the other side of the coin, to get the real badarse emitters (US and China I’m fucking looking at you!) to start doing something the smaller countries have to take the lead. Norway have a scheme and it’s very successful and the sky didn’t fall in on them.

And THATS where we venture into the wasteland! You see it’s not the carbon part that’s making my blood boil. Labor you dickheads, ITS THE TAX PART YOU FUCKTARDS!!! Australia is currently experiencing what appears to be a recession. Consumer sales are down, business is sluggish. Why? Because Mr and Mrs Joe-fucking-average are scared. After the boom spending and silliness of the past few years, then the turgid shit arsed pain of the Global Financial Crisis, suddenly they can’t afford squat. Utility costs are up, we’ve had a swath of natural disasters, cost of living is rising yet wages are just a fly shit above stagnate. They are sitting at home in the dark SHITTING themselves! Ask any retailer in Australia, they open up every morning and cry when they get an actual spending customer in! Yes it’s that bad, I should know, I have a howl every morning now!

Economists use this term “consumer confidence” to describe the likelihood of people to basically spend money. It’s a little more complicated than that but you get the drift. Now “consumer confidence” is a fragile thing. It’s unpredictable, it’s easily spooked. And after May, it was getting braver, venturing out in short trips, starting to feel a little safe. Then an economic Doc Martins Boot slammed down next to it and caused it to scurry off to its little hole when the FUCKTARTED FUCKTARDS we call a Government decided IN SLOW ECONOMIC TIMES to announce a new TAX. BRILLIANT, FUCKING BRILLIANT. That’s what we wanted. I know I was sitting at work at the end of June and turned to my Manager and said.. “fuck, it’s getting too easy, let’s hope we have a new TAX”

Now this isn’t just a go at Labour (Australia’s current Governing party) OH NO.. there’s the fucking Greens whacking off in the corner of the Senate going “oh BABY, Carbon reduction.. oh fuck yeah!!”, and those ass-wipes in opposition (The Liberals – same as the Torys and Republicans) are also to blame. That born again christian tosser Tony “Speedos” Abbot is running around like chicken-fucking-little telling anyone stupid enough to believe the fucktard that, THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING, WE’RE ALL FUUUCCCKKKEEDDDD. So, you have one party using that delightful 3 letter word T-A-X, which ALWAYS cheers people up, and the other major party telling us we’ll be personally bankrupt the minute it comes in.

OMFG!!! WE’RE FUCKING SCREWED!!!!

Well no…

Ok, the reality is unless you’re a rich bastard earning well over 100K, you’ll be ok, in some cases better off with the tax concessions (see tax can be a friendly word!). And the anticipated “shocking” price rises, hmm, let me see, cost of bread will increase .0015 cents. YES, THAT readers is a FACT! There is a host of published material outlining the real price changes and it is certainly worth a read. Still, I so want to get Julia Gillard (Australia’s current Prime Minister)  in a room and “calmly explain” “Julia, I know you’re smart, I do, BUT  JULIA  A TAX.. WTF are you thinking!!! YOU’RE LABOR!! YOU DONT FUCK PEOPLE!!!!! YOU LOVE THEM!! BAD JULIA..

Poor little consumer confidence is getting the old arse fucking from hell right now. Why didn’t we do this in 2 years, let the economy recover, give people a fucking break to enjoy a little stability and calm.

Politics sucks and not in the good way.. the sooner we all realise this and form Principalities in our own fucking yards the better. ” I AM KING FLESHY, NO TAX”

FUCKTARDS!

Fleshy