Lets Have a shot at the Media, oh how fucking original!


Currently on my Facebook there’s a producer/director I know having a shot at Channel Nine about their massive debt write down and loss. Apparently it’s the “Internet”, they didn’t see it coming.. hmmm really? The “internet” was responsible for a Private Equity firm paying a truck load of money for a media company just as advertising revenues dropped, and the GFC swept through? are you sure? maybe its “the twitter” to blame, you know its the ruination of society as we know it!! FML!!

The sad thing this person is no dummy either.

I should confess here and now I used to work for that Broadcaster. I left there because I wanted a new challenge in my life after 30 years in the media, I have NO axe to grind with Nine, actually not with any part of the media industry in Australia. I have been critical in the past of several directions the Network took, some I still feel I’m right about, others I was resoundly proven wrong.. I will no doubt eventually mention some of them on this blog. However I WILL back them up with the reasoning behind my thinking, and whatever facts can be proven, not half arsed speculation, or worse yet.. TOTAL BULLSHIT..

Amazing how everyone is a god dam fucking expert on the media. Jesus, everyone is a fucking Director now if they edit their kids birthday video!! People ITS NOT THAT CUT AND DRY!!! Channel Nine have actually been performing well.. yes they are neck and neck with Channel 7.. their costs are getting under control and they have a dynamic CEO who  has a fantastic reputation within the media industry. Their debt problem relates to their private equity owners and how much they borrowed, not a failing of the performance of the Network.

Its one thing to critique a program, it’s subjective, it’s entertainment. Lets face it opinions are like arseholes when  it comes to programming, everyone has one .In fact Programming is a black art in TV, no one full understands why a certain program works. It’s akin to taking a few hundred million dollars and dumping it on a black jack table at the casino. Hell, I think the black jack odds are better! Even with all the audience sampling and testing you cannot guarantee a ratings winner. So go to town criticising, your opinion is as valid as the next persons, I’ve seen Programmers bag shows they had formerly claimed as a sure-fire hit!

However, criticising a company, well basically calling them naive and short sighted, to do that you really need facts my friends, not some pumped up attitude and axe to grind. Stop giving a SUBJECTIVE opinion and making out its insightful balanced commentary. It AINT! It can be quite damaging for a company when people speculate yet try and sell it as a fact. How about actually proving your fucking case.. there’s a revelation!

I swear I’m getting grumpier as I get older!


Wondering about Wanderlust

Due to an unforseen circumstance, a scheduling problem and, well, greed, I’ve had to travel to 3 states in a week. This is after not travelling for about 18 months. The last leg of that whirlwind tour im on now, and it’s 2 weeks in a hotel in Sydney doing a freelance job. I’ll admit I was looking forward to it, actually rather excited. Then, all it took  was my first step into the Airport for my festering hatred of travel to return. As I’ve mentioned before, I travelled for nearly 20 years, all over Australia and some international and it’s not the soothing picnic non-travellers imagine it to be.

Lets start at the airport. I’m a frequent flyer, high up, so you’d think I get special treatment. Well not anymore. I arrived to discover that the cancer of self check-in had arrived at Brisbane. Now figure this out, they have the same number of people “helping” you use the self check-in as they had manning (sorry “peopleing”) the counters.. WTF.. come on. It’s such a great system you stand there while the old guy in front of you scratches his balls waiting for help because he can’t figure out to press the “1 bag only” button.. Fucktard! And putting the baggage tag on obviously requires a special skill set and intense training, as they have “helpful” staff (generally an oxymoron when it comes to QANTAS) there to show you how to peel it back and then insert it in your baggage. I shit you not this is fair dinkum! I was about to show them where i’d LOVE to insert it. More time wasted while I was given an intense training session, my 3rd in a week. They should at least give you a fucking certificate so you can avoid the demo next time!

So at this point im getting cranky, how me really. Next onto bag scanning and the cowboy cops who act as security guards. OMG what a fucking shifty bunch they are. My bag goes through and because i’m running late the “pretend” security guard decides to pull EVERYTHING out of my bag. Bitch! We had a stand up argument, me trying to tell her what the problem was and her nearly pulling a fucking gun on me because she insisted on empying my bag herself, after i told her to fuck off i’d do it. What the hell gives them the right to handle my shit! Ok I didnt tell her to fuck off… in the beginning. Then of course the bomb residue scan, yes you guessed it because im so fucking shifty looking they always stop me (or its my back pack), then they do their speel, “You have been chosen at random” at that point i cut them off and go, “Dude do you understand statistics, it isn’t random when i get picked EVERY FUCKING TIME!!”

Ok so now i’m not only cranky i’m fucking angry and still running late. Up to the Qantas club, yes at least I still have that for free. And luckily its free. I try to upgrade to a business seat, “no sorry all full”. Ok, fair enough, “can I get a seat closer to the front than sharing the back kitchen with the flight attendants”. “No, sorrrrryyyy”.. said with such sincerity. Ok, fuck it at least i’ll have a bite to eat.. oh dear the lounge is full of fat guys in suits, never a good sign. As soon as the lunch plates come out they swarm like flies to fresh shit. Right i’ll give that a miss, I don’t fancy getting trampled, it’ll be hot pies and Mascot 08 all over again.. shudder!

The rest was pretty uneventful, well except the flight attendant I had a fight with because she felt it was ok to push my bag with a $4000 laptop to the back of the locker to fit some arsehole’s oversized bag in, and the fat guy next to me in the middle seat who obviously couldn’t afford soap or deodorant after eating enough to make him 2 sizes too fucking big for the seat!

OH and the woman behind me with the little bundle of love screaming its lungs out on take off and landing, despite 3 of us telling her to let the little shitting machine chew its dummy so it could avoid the ear pain from the pressure change. Yes Madame I know you can do whatever you want with the fruit of your loins, but the rest of us have a right to enjoy HEARING when we land!

Then I arrive and my next FAVOURITE part of travelling.. cab drivers. There is a whole blog just in my cab driver stories, but for now this thought.. I often wonder why they decide to have a fucking garlic/chilli feast before they go on shift then close the windows in the cab and turn off the air con so it ferments to a nice rancid odor by the time you get in.There’s a smell you will never forget, it manages to stay in your clothing for a week!

Now a helpful cabbie tip.. this is Sydney so you need to keep directions simple.. Hilton, George Street, now, you drive, I pay. Generally that will get you somewhere close to where you need to go, make sure you emphasis the pay word very clearly.

And here is the end of the tale.. the bright shinning light, after all my travelling there is only ONE hotel I will stay at in Sydney. The Hilton. I get accused of being a snob etc, meh, after the shit hole hotels i’ve stayed in.. it’s like water off a ducks back. For the  job i’m on now it was a condition of the deal that I stay at the Hilton. Really. So why?.. well its simple. The staff are second to none, they are friendly, efficient and helpful.  They remember you, it’s like going home every time I come here. The rooms are spectacular, because of the number of times I’ve been here i get a fancy upgraded room, because THEY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEIR REGULARS. Listen up Sheraton you tight arseholes! Plus the location is right in the heart of town so when you finish an edit at midnight or 2am, you can still get a feed or a nice soothing ale. You can’t beat those luxuries.

You know sadly after this job is done and i’m back running my business for a few months, i’m going to be pinning for a quick trip to say Melbourne, I think that says a lot about the self abuse component of my personality! Keep an eye out there will be more travel blogs to come.. trust me on that one.


Public Heath Care – What the FUCK is the problem

In America they have a phrase.. Medical Debt.. do you know what that is? It’s when someone can’t pay their medical bills. We’re not talking some hot porn starlet who has had her tits done.. oh no.. this is Joe or Josephine Average, who needed urgent medical assistance, get it, then can’t pay the bill for saving their lives.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Before I start this rant and trust me I am FIRED up about this.. let me tell you a few things. Firstly I live in Australia where we have a Public Health System paid through taxes. It’s not perfect, it needs more money, but at least ANYONE can go to a Public Hospital and at NO cost, get treatment. If you’re flash with cash you can have medical insurance and go Private and get a fancy room and a Cordon Bleu dinner. However no matter WHAT your station in life is you can get decent medical help. And the second thing.. I have worked for 30 years.. on a very decent wage thank you.. I have paid a LOT of tax. I now own a business and am being royally screwed by the tax office. And even though I do pay a lot, I have never, EVER, once in my life, EVER regreted the money I have put into our public health system, even though I do have Private Medical Insurance. So why would a capitalist like me feel like that? well im glad you asked!

I am, and always will be a Socialist. Well I prefer Humanist, look it up people and learn. Socialist makes it sound all commy and bad, which it isn’t, but lets face it it’s had a bad wrap! I believe in the fundamental rights of humans, not just to live, but for things like basic medical care. The minute we start putting a price on someones life or well being, well then we are trully and honestly FUCKED!!! I’m a proud Australian because no matter how much we critise our free heath system.. at least we fucking have one! Here you can go to a doctor and not pay a cent, get the treatment you need, or a hospital if you need to. Yes, we take care of our own.

Now to America.. that great icon of capitalism. Oh how that word makes me shudder, but thats for yet another blog. I have a friend there at the moment, she has double pneumonia and is not well, she can’t work. Her partner has a low income job. She has been to hospital several times with this, near death. They send her a bill, they can’t pay, they get a “Medical Debt”. She can’t afford the basic meds to be able to even breath successfully out of hospital, so she can’t sleep or function. Her kids have no medical coverage, her partners job just doesnt provide it. This is how America treats it’s beloved people.

In a country facing massive economic problems, crippling national debt and some tough financial choices, they still have big armies in foreign countries yet a Congress that wants to kill off the Universal Health Care reforms. Why? I don’t get it? Are these people such arseholes they can’t think for a minute what’s important. The GLORY of their stupid fucking national pride overseas.. or the heath and well being of their people. Um, call me stupid but if you can’t even provide basic heath care to your own people who the fuck are you invading other countries tell them how they should live. It’s wrong. It’s SO very fucking wrong.

Wake up you pricks and show some fucking humanity to your own fucking people.. this from the worlds most right wing religious nation. Yeah religion is such a fucking humanitarian persuit!

This is for my friend who’s there now and can’t breath.. can’t sleep..

Think about how that would feel if it was you.


Best Friends.. Make The Worst Enemies!!

I have recently got in contact with a close friend of mine who I’d had a falling out with several decades ago. It got me thinking about how we ended up falling out in the first place and how NASTY friends can be when it turns bad.

I could count on one hand the number of “best” or close friends that i’ve had. I know a lot of people and have a lot of acquaintances, but I am hesitant to get to that trust level you need with a best friend. It’s like a sacred covenant.. a mutual understanding you both reach, nothing is hidden.. everything is revealed. Well thats how I treat it anyway and so have my few best friends over the years. For me thats a big deal, a REALLY big deal. And that is where the trouble starts when things turn sour.

The friend this topic is about I’ve known since I was 10, lets call him Enid, he reads this blog and that name is a bit of an injoke between us. Enid and I went through school together, and the start of Uni. We share a lot of common interests but also have enough differences to make things interesting. We are both competent writers, although he has always maintained he’s better than I am.. sure try it on. We both ended up in advertising although though different paths, so our work lives never crossed, luckly.

In our early 20’s we had a falling out.. and typically for males our age it was over women and drugs. Such a combination. Anyway, one of the “hallmarks” of a “best” friend relationship is of course honesty. And thats where the trouble started. He had developed a little taste for a certain style of umm smoke.. After spending endless nights visiting him while he laid on the floor and stared at a candle (ok now you know what he was umm smoking), I had to be the one to tell him “dude its fucking with your head man” ok well maybe not in those exact words, but they do add to the story! He also had a flat mate who was anti-drugs and objected to him umm drying his hydroponic creations out in the stove and was begging for me, as his best friend, to talk to him. Oh and I was also kinda keen to have sex with her.. so that did play a little factor. So a verbal stoush ensued over a few weeks, with both of us dragging up shit from our past where we’d made a mistake or been wrong.. fuck you can IMAGINE how much of that there was!

Well Enid made his decision, he kicked out his flat mate, got a new one and promptly stopped talking to me (well we both stopped) and found a better way to dry his plants. We didnt speak for 19 years, we are now, and as is the case with best friends we just picked up as normal like it had never happened. Oh, i did manage to fuck his NEW flat mate.. don’t know if I ever told him though.. oppsss.. but honestly Enid she’d moved out.. it wasnt on your couch or kitchen bench tops!

With best friends you know EXACTLY what to say to send the other one into a rage. Things you supported each other on, are now fair game to be torn down and thrown in each others face. Its cruel, it hurts and you wonder as it happens why the fuck you ever trusted each other in the first place. In some ways I think best friend relationships are tighter and also more dangerous than you have with a romantic partner. Shit I’ve been through a divorce and it wasnt as nasty as these got!

So i guess thats the irony of best friends.. when its good its brilliant.. but when its bad it can be the worst fucking pain in the ass in your life.. because best friends do truly make the best.. worst enemies.


Trends… Being Cool.. Tossers

Why oh WHY do people get sucked into trends? As i mentioned I’ve spent more than a few years in advertising and man have I seen some stupid shit.  I suppose I shouldn’t complain I’ve used trends more than once to flog a product. People are gullable, they eat that shit up. Associate it with something “trending” and you’ve at least got their attention. Yawn. Sheep!

This all relates to a facebook update I once did about exercise. Yes exercise. For various reasons I am supposed to walk at least 4 klms a day. Doctors orders, and mostly I do. I’ve been doing this little feat of endurance for the past 8 years. Rain hail or shine.. ok the rain bits a lie i’m not that keen! So how does this relate to trends.. well im glad you asked..

Every January on or about the 3rd, I see new “runners”. Yes all of December hardly anyone passes you.. then January they start. All decked out in the latest brand name runners, body hugging singlets and tight tight shorts.. omg, WHY do guys do that, man I have NO desire to see your fucking package bulging out at me, and its like a car smash you can’t stop but look at it! Fellers, girls can wear those arse squeezing shorts because THEY DONT HAVE A PACKAGE! Who are you trying to impress???

Anyway, I’m getting off topic.. so there they are all decked out, looking pretty fucking cool, trendy brand names clearly displayed. Probably about $400 worth of kit bought after their New Years resolution to “get fit”!

So, how long does it last.. well week 1 you see them every say 2nd day, week 2 maybe twice.. usually by week 3.. gone.. All that money on the coolest looking track gear and.. can’t be fucked anymore. Yet.. those diehards with the old kit, crappy runners and NO expensive water bottle, yes you guessed it.. I still pass them every day, we have a wave and smile, as is the “code” with daily exercisers, and move on. And thats what I have learned from 30 years of advertising and 8 years as a walker.. it’s the people who DONT follow trends who stand out.

And what do I wear? Cheap joggers, old shorts (baggy! NO Package poking out!), t shirts that have seen better days and a hat that my children still laugh at when i put it on, sillyness and sunsmart.

So next time you decide you wanna look cool by following the next stupid trend.. think about me and joggers.. and how every January I get to laugh myself stupid at the latest bunch of package showing trendites.


The Stepford Husbands – a Sporting Nightmare!

Let me say from the outset I’m no great sport fan. I love tennis,  I do like AFL, I tolerate Rugby League but that’ about it. Sport bores me, to watch and play. And having spent years working with professional sportsmen, they have also managed to put me off it.. but that’s another blog. My father, however, is sport mad.. he made me do all that crap when I was a kid, Soccer, Cricket, League, Tennis.. it NEVER ended. Now I’m a father and well.. in some twist of “its-not-fucking-fair” fate, my son is sport OBSESSED. I have a theory that sport obsession skips a generation, someone prove me wrong please!

Now before you think this is about angry footy parents – stop – no – this is about something entirely more bizarre!

For the last 5 years my son has played footy. The exact code doesn’t matter. This has meant every Saturday or Sunday for 6 months of the year we traipse off to some sport ground at fuck knows where… I have learned more about the town i live in doing this than 20 years shooting location Commercials! Now over this 5 years I have noticed something odd, weird and down right bizarre.

As you can imagine it’s the same group of parents, with some leavers and joiners over the years, but fundamentally the same group. It all started so nicely, friendly, sociable. Then the freaky shit started. As the kids went up a few grades, suddenly all the fathers started wearing the team jersey. Yes 20 males with beer guts and middle aged hair problems all in a team jersey. Ugly. Then they were all being “water boys”, “goal umpires”, and i don’t mean “oh fucking shit its my turn this week”.. I mean it became political!

“oh look Bob’s been flicked this week, that’ll learn him the asshole, he’s too fat to stay the distance, fucker should get fit if he wants to do it, he’s letting the team down!”

Then the coach huddle started.. yes 20 grown men nearly outnumbering the players hanging off the coaches every word at half time. All passing Gator aid to their little up and coming star player, nodding at the right parts, patting their kid on the arse. I mean for fucks sake, what are they going to do, does this somehow make them more efficient fucking water boys?

“Coach has decided to make the pack move forward more so im gunna make sure I have that water at the ready!” WOW!!! go man go!!!

Seriously you have to see this shit it’s like the Stepford Husbands.. 20 men dressed the same all smiling and kissing arse.. SCARY!

So what about me?  Well I have spent 5 years avoiding this shit.. i really don’t care what the coach has to say nor am I about to run my arse off taking the little shits water! And needless to say I DON’T wear the fucking team jersey. So how does my son feel about this? He loves it. Why? Because sport is his thing and I respect that, I support him, I pay the fee’s, I make sure he’s at games on time, but the rest is up to him. It’s taught him that even though people may not like something they tolerate it because it’s important to someone they love. And he respects me for the time I give him, we actually have a good time driving there and back. And honestly isn’t that what these things are about, letting YOUR KID have some fun and do a little bonding!

Oh and I um forgot to mention how I avoid the other parents, the secret to my survival..  I have a Digital SLR camera and a fucking hot 300mm lens, I spend my time doing something my son actually gets a kick out of. I take action pics of him and his mates playing. He loves it, his mates love it, they post them all over fricking Facebook.. i’m a fucking goddam hero! And i TOTALLY avoid the other parents.



Its Just Like Any Other Job

I have been around the block a few times. I’ve met an incredible diverse range of people from all occupations. Recently I have had the fortune of getting to know some cam girls and hookers. Now before you all start thinking.. oh Fleshy’s had a dry spell and he’s forking over the coin.. no.. well yes I have had a dry spell.. but that’s another blog topic.. this is about those sweet ladies who happened to earn their living selling sex, this is an extended version of a status I did on Facebook.

Sex workers are not new to my sphere of friends, when i was a photographer I used to have a few as clients for various portfolio pics they needed. And what is also not new is the way a lot of guys seem to treat them. Because their work involves nudity and sex it seems to send some guys into another world.. of assholeness. For some reason the removal of clothes also indicates the removal of manners and thoughts of humanity. I have seen some of the messages these guys send to cam girls, and how they treat them even on their social web sites.. fucking hell.. I wouldn’t talk to my dog like that! There’s an immediate assumption that because these girls are selling themselves they are.. loose, cheap, stupid and easy.

WOW.. just because they take their clothes off.  Also the no means no rule seems to go out the window with some guys. This is a JOB, its what they do to earn a living.. just like your fucking accountant. If you went to your accountant and had a great plan to rip off the Tax department and they said no.. are you going to tell them to fuck off they are doing it anyway then jump the desk and force them to?

It’s time we all remembered that these people are someones Daughter, Sister, Niece, Aunt, Mother, Girlfriend or simply friend. They deserve our respect just like we would do for any other profession. Don’t confuse your moral ideas of what they do, with who they are. That’s your fucking problem not theirs.

Some of the smartest and friendliest people i have met have been hookers.. some of them I knew their career before we met, others I found out later. I just think it’s time people stopped making assumptions about someone based on their line of work. It may surprise you that I know a few accountants who are wild party animals, one in particular has a habit of being thrown out of casinos for.. public displays of overt affection lol – there’s another stereotype broken.

Besides they have the COOLEST stories!