The Death Penalty, Welcome back to the Dark Ages


Ive been a little absent here, but what brought me back to the wasteland is the current situation with the 2 Australians being executed, along with the halfwitted uneducated morons on social media basically gloating about their deaths. Fuck me are they in a frenzy. I keep seeing shit like, “they got what they deserved” or “do the crime do the time” or “they were fairly tried by the judicial system” (one of the most corrupt in the world, but lets just ignore that bit), and so the rednecks go on. There is no doubt they did the crime, I’m not saying they shouldn’t have been in jail, nor do I condone the sale or use of Heroin. Let me make this crystal clear, my issue is with the Death Penalty itself.

Before I begin I’ll state something here and now, I abore the death penalty. It’s barbaric, inhumane and frankly a load of shit. How can anyone sanction “State” based murder. And yes that’s what it fucking is, MURDER, and as WE are the “State” that means you, me, the guy at work, his wife, his kids, yes the whole fucking lot of us are responsible for putting people to death. Hey guess what I don’t like that! You see the Death Penalty has nothing to do with justice, only the basest of human emotions, revenge. Oh, and it DOESN’T FUCKING WORK AS A DETERRENT! How do I know this? Lets examine some cold hard facts.

Amnesty International have been tracking murder rates in the United States in death penalty and non-death penalty states. These are their findings over 20 years, death penalty states have a consistently HIGHER murder rate. Yes, that’s what I said, HIGHER. Don’t believe me, here’s their graph.. all nice and neat and shit..


You see the basic problem is NO ONE thinks they will get caught. So saying it lowers crime is clearly a load of steaming turds. I’m not even going to comment on why the crime rate is higher in Death Penalty states.

Now, my favourite “argument” put forward by Pro-Death penalty people is an eye for an eye. Ok, lets be all First Testament and say if you kill someone they should be killed too. Hang on doesn’t the First testament also say we should be put to death for Adultery, Bestiality, Sodomy and my favourite one, cursing a parent? Yes that is actually there, I can see a rather large lineup for death row happening. Clearly it’s the go to book for social justice! Now, using this “eye for an eye” argument, doesn’t that mean if we “accidentally” put someone to death, you know, someone who turns out to be innocent later, one of us must die? Surely yes. Well hey, lineup your most hated celebs and politicians because guess the fuck what, IT HAS HAPPENED A LOT.

A team of legal experts and statisticians from Michigan and Pennsylvania used statistical analysis to discover that 4.1% of 8000 death row executions were innocent, and they used the most conservative figures they had. In cold hard numbers that’s 328 innocent people killed. This is, simply put, State sanctioned murder. Are YOU ok with that? You know what, I’m not. Im fucking NOT comfortable with that at all! Anyone who believes in the most basic of human rights can’t agree that that is all fine and dandy.

So, Ta Da, the Death Penalty, wow what an idea, it doesn’t work and kills innocent people. Fan-fucking-tastic. So you Pro-Death penalty people, please explain to me how this lunacy is justified? How do you sleep at night, comfortable with the knowledge that innocent people are being killed? I don’t give a shit how serious a crime is, if there is a chance just ONE fucking innocent person can be put to death, the price is too fucking high. And here’s an idea, lets try and find out what drives people to commit these crimes and start there, instead of waiting for the crime to be committed. Educate people, find the trigger points and work out how to remove them. It won’t be easy and it won’t stop all murders but hey, its better than KILLING people LEGALLY.

If you want to actually be informed about the reality of this barbaric practice, go to Amnesty Internationals Facts about the Death Penality and learn the truth.

And as a little footnote here, the Australians in Indonesia were killed by a firing squad. It takes 3 to 5 minutes to die that way, YES they were alive and in excruciating pain for that amount of time. Real humane hey. Imagine now if that was someone you cared about, are you still ok with it?


Lets Have a shot at the Media, oh how fucking original!


Currently on my Facebook there’s a producer/director I know having a shot at Channel Nine about their massive debt write down and loss. Apparently it’s the “Internet”, they didn’t see it coming.. hmmm really? The “internet” was responsible for a Private Equity firm paying a truck load of money for a media company just as advertising revenues dropped, and the GFC swept through? are you sure? maybe its “the twitter” to blame, you know its the ruination of society as we know it!! FML!!

The sad thing this person is no dummy either.

I should confess here and now I used to work for that Broadcaster. I left there because I wanted a new challenge in my life after 30 years in the media, I have NO axe to grind with Nine, actually not with any part of the media industry in Australia. I have been critical in the past of several directions the Network took, some I still feel I’m right about, others I was resoundly proven wrong.. I will no doubt eventually mention some of them on this blog. However I WILL back them up with the reasoning behind my thinking, and whatever facts can be proven, not half arsed speculation, or worse yet.. TOTAL BULLSHIT..

Amazing how everyone is a god dam fucking expert on the media. Jesus, everyone is a fucking Director now if they edit their kids birthday video!! People ITS NOT THAT CUT AND DRY!!! Channel Nine have actually been performing well.. yes they are neck and neck with Channel 7.. their costs are getting under control and they have a dynamic CEO who  has a fantastic reputation within the media industry. Their debt problem relates to their private equity owners and how much they borrowed, not a failing of the performance of the Network.

Its one thing to critique a program, it’s subjective, it’s entertainment. Lets face it opinions are like arseholes when  it comes to programming, everyone has one .In fact Programming is a black art in TV, no one full understands why a certain program works. It’s akin to taking a few hundred million dollars and dumping it on a black jack table at the casino. Hell, I think the black jack odds are better! Even with all the audience sampling and testing you cannot guarantee a ratings winner. So go to town criticising, your opinion is as valid as the next persons, I’ve seen Programmers bag shows they had formerly claimed as a sure-fire hit!

However, criticising a company, well basically calling them naive and short sighted, to do that you really need facts my friends, not some pumped up attitude and axe to grind. Stop giving a SUBJECTIVE opinion and making out its insightful balanced commentary. It AINT! It can be quite damaging for a company when people speculate yet try and sell it as a fact. How about actually proving your fucking case.. there’s a revelation!

I swear I’m getting grumpier as I get older!


Windows Fail 7 – It could have been so good!

WP7 image

Sorry about the last run of political rants, yes yes I’ve heard you all, I had a bee in my bonnet and the anger showed!  So back to my friendly congenial self…..  Nah fuck it! What I have for you today is a massive rant about one of the most Fucktarded Mobile launches ever.. Microsoft you should get “Douchbag of the Year” award for this one!

It was supposed to be yet another iPhone killer, the flashy new Phone OS that was going to make Apple panic. Well, didn’t that turn to shit fast. As of July 2011 Windows Phone 7 has a grand total of.. wait for it.. 1% share of the US Market. Yes thats it! 1 fucking percent. To be honest its no wonder, poorly implemented, badly thought out, fuck all apps and an anemic marketing campaign. It’s almost like it got to the Marketing Department at Microsoft and they’ve all gone, “holly fucking hell what the FUCK can we do to spin this crap!”

To be honest there’s a lot I like about WP7. It’s fast, it’s easy to use (I’ve seen 70 yo’s using it with ease) and I like the design. Compared to Android, for a non-tech person, it’s far simpler and more inviting to delve into. Ok, so given that, where did they fuck up, now this is where the weird shit begins..

  • No Windows Sync over the wire – hello? what? YES, how fucking basic and stupid of them, even the Dictatorial Jobs allows you to physically plug your iPhone into a PC and sync it. I mean seriously what a basic and stupid omission. Oh, you can do it with a Hotmail account? No, well yes and no. You can’t sync your existing outlook calendar with it because – surprise surprise – Hotmail wont sync with your Outlook calendar, you need to create a shared calendar then use that. I was told to “move my appointments to the shared calendar” umm hello – all 6000 of them. No fuck that, I found an easier solution, I bought a Blackberry.  How bizarre that Microsoft’s own Phone OS won’t sync with it’s own software! I also discovered that if you want to easily calendar sync over the air, use Gmail, it will actually sync your OUTLOOK calender with it’s calendar… seriously.. how Fucktarded! Oh, here’s an even easier idea, just buy an Android phone and all that’s built in!
  • Windows Marketplace – pfft, come on stop laughing. Yes, stop it. On the upside it’s not like Android or Apples App Stores, you can easily skip through all the titles available in 5 mins. I don’t know why they bothered with a search function!
  • Zune – ok I see you’re buckled over now and tears streaming from your eyes, I promise no more jokes. Well ok one, Itunes! Shit, I think you’ve wet your pants now!
  • No Copy and Paste on launch – Jobs must have been laughing in his weeties when he heard about this after all the shit he copped. Again, what the fuck? is this 1980?
  • Their Office Apps are CRAP! yeah another light bulb moment there, hello, you make the world’s most used office applications yet you totally fuck them on your phone OS. They are too basic to even be helpful to  a fucking 7 yo..

I could go on but I think this small sampling of their fuckups makes the point. I was so excited about it, then so let down. It’s like internet dating – she looks so hot in her profile pic (his for the girls) and has such a wild imagination, till you meet and see their pic is 10 years old and 50 kilos less and they have the personality of a plank. All promise, no delivery!

However dear readers there is a glimmer of hope on my Anti-Apple horizon. Despite Microsoft letting me down! Android is fighting the good fight, that same survey that found WP7 had 1% market share, also reported this..

  • Apple – 27%
  • Android – 38%

YAAAAHHHHH!!!!! Now THAT cheered me up!!!! Bring it Google!!!! I’m feeling the LOVE!


Oh.. here’s a link to the story that gives the Market Share figures, plus has Ballmer admitting they fucked up! well worth a read – Microsoft’s Ballmer admits Windows Phone 7 has so far failed

YAAF – The campaign we had to have

The Australian Productivity commission has finally realised what retailers have know for ever, one of Australia’s biggest employer groups is being killed by inflexible labour laws, restrictive trading hours and crippling penalty rates. Consider the average pay rate on a retail floor is 15 dollars an hour, and the jerk wad that packs you books at Amazon is getting 8 bucks an hour (US Dollars so thats even cheaper) you start to see the “global market” in fucking action.

And neither party has a fucking solution. The Liberals want to abolish all workers rights (aka “Work Choices”) and Labour want to shove an 8 foot pole up the employers asses (aka “Fair Work”). Can’t you CUNTS meet in the middle! No one wants to see workers get treated like slave labour, but I think if you ask the workers they would like a business to actually trade profitably so, oh I don’t know, they have FUCKING JOBS in 12 months! And the mother-fucking Unions are in the newspaper claiming that Retailers want the labour laws changed to add to their “already fat profits” Oh My Fucking God, you can tell those CUNTS have never run a retail business. Fat Profits, Fuck Off! Try  not even getting FUCKING paid because once they pay their costs, their staff, the penalty rates, the fucking super, sick leave, holiday leave, they get JACK FUCKING SHIT! Oh and fuck you assholes for trying to tell us how we should run our businesses, yes every business owner operates with a view to LOOSING MONEY! Fucktarded fucktards! Get your fucking Union heads out of your fat chair sitting office pondering ASSES! We are not ALL Coles Myer or Woolworths!

SO whats my solution to this impass. Well at the next federal election I’m starting a campaign in memory of a great friend of mine (this was my Tribute to him) who sadly passed away this year. You see he understood politics, he debated it with me constantly. He listened to the fucking Parliamentary radio broadcasts for relaxation. Yet he NEVER liked the choices he had at voting time. So what did he do? Well every election he’d get his ballot paper and in big confident letters across the form he’d write.. YOU ARE ALL FUCKED! Yes THAT’s my strategy. Everyone is to write “You Are All Fucked” on their ballot papers. And what will this do? Well this is considered an informal vote, surprisingly. And if you get a certain percentage of informal votes, they have to declare the election void and do it again. Now it’s a sure bet even Labour and Liberal aren’t stupid enough to run the same policies and leaders. Imagine that, we’d get REAL choices!

Ok I need to check the run it again fact, but it’s early and I’m tired! I will check it!

At the moment I’m not voting for that sycophantic, Green’s-ass kissing Gillard, nor am I voting for the born-again, oh-I’ve-changed-my-mind-again Abbott. What a fucking choice! You know if Malcom Turbull ran I’d give him a go. Let’s face it he actually announces his position and sticks by it! What a goddam fucking revelation! Sure he cocked up last time as Opposition Leader, but come on he was new. Howard had how many cracks at being Leader? I mean we’ve got the choice between a fucking solicitor, Journalist or, bring it on, a Merchant Banker. I mean at least he’ll fix the fucking economy!

So people, it begins here and now.. YAAF! My campaign for 2013! Fuck them up and fuck them up GOOD!


Carbon Tax, Labour you Fucktards!

For my overseas friends, and for Aussies who have been living under a rock, let me first tell you what a carbon tax is. In Australia the Government want to introduce a Tax on Carbon output. The idea being that, if they put a price on it, companies will find it financially beneficial to spend money on ways to reduce their carbon output. Makes sense. And that’s about the only fucking thing that will make sense from this point in!

Next, where do I stand on greenhouse gases and carbon tax? Well I have to admit I’m convinced that our carbon output is substantially changing the climate, so I don’t think it’s an all together bad thing to reduce it. Also, I’m so fucking over choking on car fumes every time I go for my daily walk! Yes it’s about me! The carbon tax however, I’m ambivalent to. In reality it will reduce worldwide emissions by 0.00053533% FUCK you say.. YES I say.. that’s it. On the other side of the coin, to get the real badarse emitters (US and China I’m fucking looking at you!) to start doing something the smaller countries have to take the lead. Norway have a scheme and it’s very successful and the sky didn’t fall in on them.

And THATS where we venture into the wasteland! You see it’s not the carbon part that’s making my blood boil. Labor you dickheads, ITS THE TAX PART YOU FUCKTARDS!!! Australia is currently experiencing what appears to be a recession. Consumer sales are down, business is sluggish. Why? Because Mr and Mrs Joe-fucking-average are scared. After the boom spending and silliness of the past few years, then the turgid shit arsed pain of the Global Financial Crisis, suddenly they can’t afford squat. Utility costs are up, we’ve had a swath of natural disasters, cost of living is rising yet wages are just a fly shit above stagnate. They are sitting at home in the dark SHITTING themselves! Ask any retailer in Australia, they open up every morning and cry when they get an actual spending customer in! Yes it’s that bad, I should know, I have a howl every morning now!

Economists use this term “consumer confidence” to describe the likelihood of people to basically spend money. It’s a little more complicated than that but you get the drift. Now “consumer confidence” is a fragile thing. It’s unpredictable, it’s easily spooked. And after May, it was getting braver, venturing out in short trips, starting to feel a little safe. Then an economic Doc Martins Boot slammed down next to it and caused it to scurry off to its little hole when the FUCKTARTED FUCKTARDS we call a Government decided IN SLOW ECONOMIC TIMES to announce a new TAX. BRILLIANT, FUCKING BRILLIANT. That’s what we wanted. I know I was sitting at work at the end of June and turned to my Manager and said.. “fuck, it’s getting too easy, let’s hope we have a new TAX”

Now this isn’t just a go at Labour (Australia’s current Governing party) OH NO.. there’s the fucking Greens whacking off in the corner of the Senate going “oh BABY, Carbon reduction.. oh fuck yeah!!”, and those ass-wipes in opposition (The Liberals – same as the Torys and Republicans) are also to blame. That born again christian tosser Tony “Speedos” Abbot is running around like chicken-fucking-little telling anyone stupid enough to believe the fucktard that, THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING, WE’RE ALL FUUUCCCKKKEEDDDD. So, you have one party using that delightful 3 letter word T-A-X, which ALWAYS cheers people up, and the other major party telling us we’ll be personally bankrupt the minute it comes in.


Well no…

Ok, the reality is unless you’re a rich bastard earning well over 100K, you’ll be ok, in some cases better off with the tax concessions (see tax can be a friendly word!). And the anticipated “shocking” price rises, hmm, let me see, cost of bread will increase .0015 cents. YES, THAT readers is a FACT! There is a host of published material outlining the real price changes and it is certainly worth a read. Still, I so want to get Julia Gillard (Australia’s current Prime Minister)  in a room and “calmly explain” “Julia, I know you’re smart, I do, BUT  JULIA  A TAX.. WTF are you thinking!!! YOU’RE LABOR!! YOU DONT FUCK PEOPLE!!!!! YOU LOVE THEM!! BAD JULIA..

Poor little consumer confidence is getting the old arse fucking from hell right now. Why didn’t we do this in 2 years, let the economy recover, give people a fucking break to enjoy a little stability and calm.

Politics sucks and not in the good way.. the sooner we all realise this and form Principalities in our own fucking yards the better. ” I AM KING FLESHY, NO TAX”



Own my own Business… What the FUCK was I thinking

In Australia you hear a lot about the plight of the “aussie worker” and until about 12 months ago I was one of that supposed down trodden class. Business owners are the fat cats living off the sweat and toil of their humble poor workers, smoking fat Havan Cigars lit off hundred dollar bills and holidaying with Penthouse Pets. So I thought, fuck yeah that’s for me and I’d scale the heights of massive profits and class status and, omfg Own My Own Business.

What a load of putrid shit. Aussie workers have NOTHING to FUCKING complaint about. Try having a business you whingers, try paying staff, the bills, the rent, the bank, the blood sucking Govt Departments, THE TAX OFFICE! Then comply with obscure trading regulations, competition rules, Warranty rules, Human Resources, Workplace Health and Safety. UUGGGHHHHH.

Oh Workplace Health and Safety, lol.. if this wasn’t true it’d be funny. Recently in Australia a corporation got sued by, and lost, to a employee because.. wait for it.. they slipped over in THEIR OWN HOME, while working from said home. The court deemed their employer was responsible for the state of THEIR house, and let me make it clear, this person WANTED to do this, the company didn’t force them to work from  home, THIS SUITED THE EMPLOYEE. So not only are we responsible for a safe workplace.. but your fucktarded home as well! NICE! I’m sure at some point some fuck will sue an employer because they didn’t install a fucking pool at their home so they could cool off on those hot summer days when  they were home working!


Ok I acknowledge there are a small percentage of small business owners who are shonky motherfuckers.. god knows I’ve worked for some. But what about the rest of us, the honest ones, the ones who pay on time, provide bonuses, a safe work environment? CARE about their staff. Why must we be regulated out of fucking existence. Here’s a little tip Labor – oh and i’m looking at you too Liberal! Australian Small Business employ the LARGEST percentage of TAX PAYING workers and pay a FUCK LOAD of tax themselves. We can’t afford fancy Lawyers for “Bottom of the Harbour” tax schemes! No we just diligently “pay the piper” every fucking Quarter.

That’s right you Public Service arses, WE make you look good when the employment figures come out, WE pay your wages… you know WAGES, something you’re only likely to get once in a while if you own a small business because, your the last fucker to get paid!

OK, so this isn’t really a shot at ALL Aussie workers, in fact I love my staff, they work hard, genuinely worry about how my business is going and deserve every cent they get paid. However this is for the shallow minded fuckwits who think the world owes them a living (or can sue over PETTY BULLSHIT reasons), get off your arses and do some work dickheads!

So why this rant? well im sitting here tonight still working through the nightmare that is the Australia BAS system and a friend of mine (thanks Lisa) sent me the following, it’s not mine but I’d love to know who wrote it.. because it is sooo very fucking true..

The Department of Labor received an anonymous tip that a local employer was exploiting a mentally retarded worker, so they sent an agent to investigate. When the agent arrived at the workplace, he was greeted by the owner who asked what was the purpose of the visit. The agent said he wanted to know how many people worked there and what they were paid.The owner said: “We have two workers here. One is my assistant. I pay him $22 an hour, give him two breaks a day, four week’s vacation with pay each year, provide lunch, and pay for his sick days. Then there is a mentally challenged worker. He works about eighteen hours every day, does about 90% of all the work, and makes about $10 per week. He has no breaks and gets nothing for sick days. But I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life.”The agent was shocked and said: ‘That’s the guy I want to talk to, the mentally challenged one.”The owner replied: “That would be me.”


Wondering about Wanderlust

Due to an unforseen circumstance, a scheduling problem and, well, greed, I’ve had to travel to 3 states in a week. This is after not travelling for about 18 months. The last leg of that whirlwind tour im on now, and it’s 2 weeks in a hotel in Sydney doing a freelance job. I’ll admit I was looking forward to it, actually rather excited. Then, all it took  was my first step into the Airport for my festering hatred of travel to return. As I’ve mentioned before, I travelled for nearly 20 years, all over Australia and some international and it’s not the soothing picnic non-travellers imagine it to be.

Lets start at the airport. I’m a frequent flyer, high up, so you’d think I get special treatment. Well not anymore. I arrived to discover that the cancer of self check-in had arrived at Brisbane. Now figure this out, they have the same number of people “helping” you use the self check-in as they had manning (sorry “peopleing”) the counters.. WTF.. come on. It’s such a great system you stand there while the old guy in front of you scratches his balls waiting for help because he can’t figure out to press the “1 bag only” button.. Fucktard! And putting the baggage tag on obviously requires a special skill set and intense training, as they have “helpful” staff (generally an oxymoron when it comes to QANTAS) there to show you how to peel it back and then insert it in your baggage. I shit you not this is fair dinkum! I was about to show them where i’d LOVE to insert it. More time wasted while I was given an intense training session, my 3rd in a week. They should at least give you a fucking certificate so you can avoid the demo next time!

So at this point im getting cranky, how me really. Next onto bag scanning and the cowboy cops who act as security guards. OMG what a fucking shifty bunch they are. My bag goes through and because i’m running late the “pretend” security guard decides to pull EVERYTHING out of my bag. Bitch! We had a stand up argument, me trying to tell her what the problem was and her nearly pulling a fucking gun on me because she insisted on empying my bag herself, after i told her to fuck off i’d do it. What the hell gives them the right to handle my shit! Ok I didnt tell her to fuck off… in the beginning. Then of course the bomb residue scan, yes you guessed it because im so fucking shifty looking they always stop me (or its my back pack), then they do their speel, “You have been chosen at random” at that point i cut them off and go, “Dude do you understand statistics, it isn’t random when i get picked EVERY FUCKING TIME!!”

Ok so now i’m not only cranky i’m fucking angry and still running late. Up to the Qantas club, yes at least I still have that for free. And luckily its free. I try to upgrade to a business seat, “no sorry all full”. Ok, fair enough, “can I get a seat closer to the front than sharing the back kitchen with the flight attendants”. “No, sorrrrryyyy”.. said with such sincerity. Ok, fuck it at least i’ll have a bite to eat.. oh dear the lounge is full of fat guys in suits, never a good sign. As soon as the lunch plates come out they swarm like flies to fresh shit. Right i’ll give that a miss, I don’t fancy getting trampled, it’ll be hot pies and Mascot 08 all over again.. shudder!

The rest was pretty uneventful, well except the flight attendant I had a fight with because she felt it was ok to push my bag with a $4000 laptop to the back of the locker to fit some arsehole’s oversized bag in, and the fat guy next to me in the middle seat who obviously couldn’t afford soap or deodorant after eating enough to make him 2 sizes too fucking big for the seat!

OH and the woman behind me with the little bundle of love screaming its lungs out on take off and landing, despite 3 of us telling her to let the little shitting machine chew its dummy so it could avoid the ear pain from the pressure change. Yes Madame I know you can do whatever you want with the fruit of your loins, but the rest of us have a right to enjoy HEARING when we land!

Then I arrive and my next FAVOURITE part of travelling.. cab drivers. There is a whole blog just in my cab driver stories, but for now this thought.. I often wonder why they decide to have a fucking garlic/chilli feast before they go on shift then close the windows in the cab and turn off the air con so it ferments to a nice rancid odor by the time you get in.There’s a smell you will never forget, it manages to stay in your clothing for a week!

Now a helpful cabbie tip.. this is Sydney so you need to keep directions simple.. Hilton, George Street, now, you drive, I pay. Generally that will get you somewhere close to where you need to go, make sure you emphasis the pay word very clearly.

And here is the end of the tale.. the bright shinning light, after all my travelling there is only ONE hotel I will stay at in Sydney. The Hilton. I get accused of being a snob etc, meh, after the shit hole hotels i’ve stayed in.. it’s like water off a ducks back. For the  job i’m on now it was a condition of the deal that I stay at the Hilton. Really. So why?.. well its simple. The staff are second to none, they are friendly, efficient and helpful.  They remember you, it’s like going home every time I come here. The rooms are spectacular, because of the number of times I’ve been here i get a fancy upgraded room, because THEY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEIR REGULARS. Listen up Sheraton you tight arseholes! Plus the location is right in the heart of town so when you finish an edit at midnight or 2am, you can still get a feed or a nice soothing ale. You can’t beat those luxuries.

You know sadly after this job is done and i’m back running my business for a few months, i’m going to be pinning for a quick trip to say Melbourne, I think that says a lot about the self abuse component of my personality! Keep an eye out there will be more travel blogs to come.. trust me on that one.


A tribute to a great man

This is really hard to express in words. Very hard. Not just because its emotional, but I don’t want to mess up a tribute to an amazing person.

Today I found out a very good friend had suddenly passed away. It’s a shock to all of us that knew him as it was sudden and unexpected. Everyone is coping as best they can, I’ve had a lot of calls with people in tears, people rambling, people confused. Sadly, I don’t cry, it’s not that I don’t like it, I just don’t, I deal with emotion differently. But I needed a way to express myself and I figured this was the best way to get it out of my system. I don’t have many followers so mostly this is just for me.

So who was he. Well I have worked with him for over 20 years. He was a business owner, family man, extremely talented with his work, intelligent, funny, lover of people, skillful debater, generous with his compassion, an all round true blue Australian. He was a guy everyone loved. And I mean that, they truly did. Even people he didn’t get along with had a soft spot for him. In the Industry we were in he was generous with his time. And his help and advice to new people created many amazing careers. He was a giver of everything and humble.

And he was also one of  the few people who truly understood friendship. We didn’t talk all the time, but if either of us needed a hand or some advice we’d know the other would help if they could. Didn’t matter if it was business or personal, we would do what we could. He has helped me in countless ways, with my career, my business, my personal life, even my politics. We could have a raging debate about anything (usually politics!), and then sit down and have a laugh at dinner together. He was ridiculously fun to work with, even if we had a difference of opinion on how to do something on set, we’d discuss it and the most sensible idea won out. There was no ego, no one-up-manship, both of us worked to get the job right and had incredible respect for each others talents. Over the years we developed almost a mind meld, we could sense when the other wanted to change something and we had a discreet way of letting each other know, it did confuse the rest of the crew, but it worked for us. He was without doubt my favorite person to work with.

Its very hard to consider that I will never hear from him again, never hear that gruff voice on the end of the phone telling me he’s in “more shit than the early settlers”, never share another dinner, never work together, never end up in one of our fucking stupid funny conversations because we had time to kill. Its sad to think  that after all the incredibly amazing spots we created together our last job was a shitty little studio chroma key thing. Even then we had a ball being idiots while we did it. He could make the most mundane job an experience to remember.

The industry we both shared has been left a massive hole to fill. His incredible talent and generosity will be greatly missed. I wonder how many up and coming creative people are going to be a little less encouraged because of his absence. How many young filmmakers aren’t going to get their creations made because he’s not there to get them going. In an industry where ego is king and the experienced players tend to be assholes with their heads up their asses.. he was unique, an Icon.

Life will never quite be the same again.

RIP my friend, you won’t be forgotten, no more DFI’s.


Public Heath Care – What the FUCK is the problem

In America they have a phrase.. Medical Debt.. do you know what that is? It’s when someone can’t pay their medical bills. We’re not talking some hot porn starlet who has had her tits done.. oh no.. this is Joe or Josephine Average, who needed urgent medical assistance, get it, then can’t pay the bill for saving their lives.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Before I start this rant and trust me I am FIRED up about this.. let me tell you a few things. Firstly I live in Australia where we have a Public Health System paid through taxes. It’s not perfect, it needs more money, but at least ANYONE can go to a Public Hospital and at NO cost, get treatment. If you’re flash with cash you can have medical insurance and go Private and get a fancy room and a Cordon Bleu dinner. However no matter WHAT your station in life is you can get decent medical help. And the second thing.. I have worked for 30 years.. on a very decent wage thank you.. I have paid a LOT of tax. I now own a business and am being royally screwed by the tax office. And even though I do pay a lot, I have never, EVER, once in my life, EVER regreted the money I have put into our public health system, even though I do have Private Medical Insurance. So why would a capitalist like me feel like that? well im glad you asked!

I am, and always will be a Socialist. Well I prefer Humanist, look it up people and learn. Socialist makes it sound all commy and bad, which it isn’t, but lets face it it’s had a bad wrap! I believe in the fundamental rights of humans, not just to live, but for things like basic medical care. The minute we start putting a price on someones life or well being, well then we are trully and honestly FUCKED!!! I’m a proud Australian because no matter how much we critise our free heath system.. at least we fucking have one! Here you can go to a doctor and not pay a cent, get the treatment you need, or a hospital if you need to. Yes, we take care of our own.

Now to America.. that great icon of capitalism. Oh how that word makes me shudder, but thats for yet another blog. I have a friend there at the moment, she has double pneumonia and is not well, she can’t work. Her partner has a low income job. She has been to hospital several times with this, near death. They send her a bill, they can’t pay, they get a “Medical Debt”. She can’t afford the basic meds to be able to even breath successfully out of hospital, so she can’t sleep or function. Her kids have no medical coverage, her partners job just doesnt provide it. This is how America treats it’s beloved people.

In a country facing massive economic problems, crippling national debt and some tough financial choices, they still have big armies in foreign countries yet a Congress that wants to kill off the Universal Health Care reforms. Why? I don’t get it? Are these people such arseholes they can’t think for a minute what’s important. The GLORY of their stupid fucking national pride overseas.. or the heath and well being of their people. Um, call me stupid but if you can’t even provide basic heath care to your own people who the fuck are you invading other countries tell them how they should live. It’s wrong. It’s SO very fucking wrong.

Wake up you pricks and show some fucking humanity to your own fucking people.. this from the worlds most right wing religious nation. Yeah religion is such a fucking humanitarian persuit!

This is for my friend who’s there now and can’t breath.. can’t sleep..

Think about how that would feel if it was you.


A diatribe about.. diatribes

Ok i admit there is an element of irony in this.. but fuck it.. it’s my blog, my FUCKING rules!! Oh shit, did i suddenly put my FACEBOOK persona on?

aaahhhh yes Facebook, such an innocent name but such a prick of a place to hang! Is it me or have people totally lost the goddam plot on social networks. There wouldn’t be a day goes by now i don’t see someone.. on EITHER of my profiles, (normal or “secret”), throw a massive dummy spit about something or someone. And so VENAL.. i mean seriously if you were face to face with a group of people and you spewed that shit out.. they’d have you fucking locked up!!! Ok i can see you all knodding you know what I mean.. i’ll bet some of you are even guilty of these rants. tsk tsk tsk..

I keep my Facebook status like this blog, either humorous commentary.. life observations or.. yes the ODD dummy spit.. However, I try and contain my “Status Rants” based on the following scenario.. I’m in a pub, drinking with mates.. somethings pissed me off.. what do i scream out? Simple isn’t it. Do I name the focus of my anger (remember the “group” of friends at the pub are you facebook buddies – all of them).. NO.. do i give veiled clues to their identity.. NO.. I just vent some shit and move on. If it’s a personal problem with someone I don’t “status” a goddamn fucking thing. Why? because from what i’ve seen, after the inital buzz of doing it.. there’s a fuck-load of regret that washes in like a  massive turd tsunami.

I’ve seen some sad sad motherfuckers doing some pathetic shit on their updates.. the intial rant.. the follow up total fucking mad rant.. then the ever so wilder and more abusive rant.. then the pity rant.. the “what about me” rant.. etc..  yes, looks familar doesn’t it.. facebook ranters are like cheap drunks on a Goon buzz.. and most of these fools are SOBER!

COME ON PEOPLE!!!!! It’s a fucking SOCIAL site!!! it’s not even REAL!!!

Lets all promise now to following these basic yet important facebook rules..

1. I WILL NOT use facebook as a place to vent my spleen about other facebookers I have friended (non-friends are fair game of course)

2. I WILL NOT name and shame friends who i think are pissing me off at this micro-second.

3. I WILL promise to walk away, YES WALK AWAY from my facebook page when i feel the boiling anger and temptation to take some arsehole down with the blinding power of my pathetic Status Update – come on, do you really think your making a cutting social commentary on the person, or just looking like some whinging arse with an axe to grind?

4. I WILL NOT DELETE FRIENDS IN A MOMENT OF ANGER. (ok, sorry that ones for me.. Red.. you fucking idiot!)

So live by these 3 (ok 4 for me ) rules.. Try to post something silly.. stupid.. funny.. if you’ve got shit on the liver for the day.. stay away from Facebook! Lets try and make it fun friendly and dirty mmmmm.. yes, like a night at the pub!!!


Best Friends.. Make The Worst Enemies!!

I have recently got in contact with a close friend of mine who I’d had a falling out with several decades ago. It got me thinking about how we ended up falling out in the first place and how NASTY friends can be when it turns bad.

I could count on one hand the number of “best” or close friends that i’ve had. I know a lot of people and have a lot of acquaintances, but I am hesitant to get to that trust level you need with a best friend. It’s like a sacred covenant.. a mutual understanding you both reach, nothing is hidden.. everything is revealed. Well thats how I treat it anyway and so have my few best friends over the years. For me thats a big deal, a REALLY big deal. And that is where the trouble starts when things turn sour.

The friend this topic is about I’ve known since I was 10, lets call him Enid, he reads this blog and that name is a bit of an injoke between us. Enid and I went through school together, and the start of Uni. We share a lot of common interests but also have enough differences to make things interesting. We are both competent writers, although he has always maintained he’s better than I am.. sure try it on. We both ended up in advertising although though different paths, so our work lives never crossed, luckly.

In our early 20’s we had a falling out.. and typically for males our age it was over women and drugs. Such a combination. Anyway, one of the “hallmarks” of a “best” friend relationship is of course honesty. And thats where the trouble started. He had developed a little taste for a certain style of umm smoke.. After spending endless nights visiting him while he laid on the floor and stared at a candle (ok now you know what he was umm smoking), I had to be the one to tell him “dude its fucking with your head man” ok well maybe not in those exact words, but they do add to the story! He also had a flat mate who was anti-drugs and objected to him umm drying his hydroponic creations out in the stove and was begging for me, as his best friend, to talk to him. Oh and I was also kinda keen to have sex with her.. so that did play a little factor. So a verbal stoush ensued over a few weeks, with both of us dragging up shit from our past where we’d made a mistake or been wrong.. fuck you can IMAGINE how much of that there was!

Well Enid made his decision, he kicked out his flat mate, got a new one and promptly stopped talking to me (well we both stopped) and found a better way to dry his plants. We didnt speak for 19 years, we are now, and as is the case with best friends we just picked up as normal like it had never happened. Oh, i did manage to fuck his NEW flat mate.. don’t know if I ever told him though.. oppsss.. but honestly Enid she’d moved out.. it wasnt on your couch or kitchen bench tops!

With best friends you know EXACTLY what to say to send the other one into a rage. Things you supported each other on, are now fair game to be torn down and thrown in each others face. Its cruel, it hurts and you wonder as it happens why the fuck you ever trusted each other in the first place. In some ways I think best friend relationships are tighter and also more dangerous than you have with a romantic partner. Shit I’ve been through a divorce and it wasnt as nasty as these got!

So i guess thats the irony of best friends.. when its good its brilliant.. but when its bad it can be the worst fucking pain in the ass in your life.. because best friends do truly make the best.. worst enemies.


Trends… Being Cool.. Tossers

Why oh WHY do people get sucked into trends? As i mentioned I’ve spent more than a few years in advertising and man have I seen some stupid shit.  I suppose I shouldn’t complain I’ve used trends more than once to flog a product. People are gullable, they eat that shit up. Associate it with something “trending” and you’ve at least got their attention. Yawn. Sheep!

This all relates to a facebook update I once did about exercise. Yes exercise. For various reasons I am supposed to walk at least 4 klms a day. Doctors orders, and mostly I do. I’ve been doing this little feat of endurance for the past 8 years. Rain hail or shine.. ok the rain bits a lie i’m not that keen! So how does this relate to trends.. well im glad you asked..

Every January on or about the 3rd, I see new “runners”. Yes all of December hardly anyone passes you.. then January they start. All decked out in the latest brand name runners, body hugging singlets and tight tight shorts.. omg, WHY do guys do that, man I have NO desire to see your fucking package bulging out at me, and its like a car smash you can’t stop but look at it! Fellers, girls can wear those arse squeezing shorts because THEY DONT HAVE A PACKAGE! Who are you trying to impress???

Anyway, I’m getting off topic.. so there they are all decked out, looking pretty fucking cool, trendy brand names clearly displayed. Probably about $400 worth of kit bought after their New Years resolution to “get fit”!

So, how long does it last.. well week 1 you see them every say 2nd day, week 2 maybe twice.. usually by week 3.. gone.. All that money on the coolest looking track gear and.. can’t be fucked anymore. Yet.. those diehards with the old kit, crappy runners and NO expensive water bottle, yes you guessed it.. I still pass them every day, we have a wave and smile, as is the “code” with daily exercisers, and move on. And thats what I have learned from 30 years of advertising and 8 years as a walker.. it’s the people who DONT follow trends who stand out.

And what do I wear? Cheap joggers, old shorts (baggy! NO Package poking out!), t shirts that have seen better days and a hat that my children still laugh at when i put it on, sillyness and sunsmart.

So next time you decide you wanna look cool by following the next stupid trend.. think about me and joggers.. and how every January I get to laugh myself stupid at the latest bunch of package showing trendites.


Deep Throat, A Metaphor for Life?

I’m a HUGE fan of 70’s and 80’s porn. Bad music, hairy bush, cheesy acting.. yes I love it all! Porn was simpler then, actually had a few attempts at a storyline and at times took the piss out of itself. Now it all seems to be jackhammer fucking, spitting and choking, sorry thats just not sex to me. And I think the portrayal of women was better, sure we have women in Dom flicks now etc, but  women seemed to have had a fairly even power balance back then, well at least in the ones i’ve seen.

Of course there were issues, in an unregulated industry that was run from garages and dodgy store fronts you’d expect to see problems. But that had more to do with christian “moral outrage” holding the industry underground than any failing of porn itself. The modern face of porn is now growing to show a professional industry moving to proper self-regulating and safer practices. Hopefully!

Anyway back to Deep Throat. Now there was a movie, it had a premise (wow!), yes it was basic but fuck it at least it had one. Yes the title pretty much told you the theme, but there was a lot more going on with the story as opposed to today’s porn.. ie: “Sorority Sluts Get it In The Ass” – yes you pretty much know what your going to see and that’ll be all it is! There was cheesy acting, some clever ideas (who could forget Coke Man hahaha), and what verged on clever scripting (my favourite scene is where the guys eating the woman out at the start and she lifts his head and says “do you mind if I smoke while you eat” haha). It was made on a tight budget, but managed to generate a huge following, helped of course by the christian moral outragers. The sex was hot, but fun, the shooting style a little more relaxed than now and the music, oh wow, you HAVE to hear the music! It was a porn flick that didn’t take itself too seriously and that was one of it’s biggest charms.

Seriously if you havent seen it, and I can’t imagine anyone who loves porn who wouldn’t have this in their collection, do yourself a massive favour and watch it. Watch it with your loved one, even they will get a kick out of it, Deep Throat is trully a movie to share.

So what is this Metaphor for life crap.. well think about it.. it’s far from perfect yet you love its quaintness.. it’s never pretended to be anything more than it is.. it’s simple but clever in parts.. and you love spending time with it.. over and over..

Pity more people weren’t like that.

oh and apologies to modern porn, I’m an old romantic and still love the idea of a single camera porn film shoot.. I’m sure there are some very worthy flicks out and I just haven’t seen them, but given the volume that comes out, can you blame me.


The Stepford Husbands – a Sporting Nightmare!

Let me say from the outset I’m no great sport fan. I love tennis,  I do like AFL, I tolerate Rugby League but that’ about it. Sport bores me, to watch and play. And having spent years working with professional sportsmen, they have also managed to put me off it.. but that’s another blog. My father, however, is sport mad.. he made me do all that crap when I was a kid, Soccer, Cricket, League, Tennis.. it NEVER ended. Now I’m a father and well.. in some twist of “its-not-fucking-fair” fate, my son is sport OBSESSED. I have a theory that sport obsession skips a generation, someone prove me wrong please!

Now before you think this is about angry footy parents – stop – no – this is about something entirely more bizarre!

For the last 5 years my son has played footy. The exact code doesn’t matter. This has meant every Saturday or Sunday for 6 months of the year we traipse off to some sport ground at fuck knows where… I have learned more about the town i live in doing this than 20 years shooting location Commercials! Now over this 5 years I have noticed something odd, weird and down right bizarre.

As you can imagine it’s the same group of parents, with some leavers and joiners over the years, but fundamentally the same group. It all started so nicely, friendly, sociable. Then the freaky shit started. As the kids went up a few grades, suddenly all the fathers started wearing the team jersey. Yes 20 males with beer guts and middle aged hair problems all in a team jersey. Ugly. Then they were all being “water boys”, “goal umpires”, and i don’t mean “oh fucking shit its my turn this week”.. I mean it became political!

“oh look Bob’s been flicked this week, that’ll learn him the asshole, he’s too fat to stay the distance, fucker should get fit if he wants to do it, he’s letting the team down!”

Then the coach huddle started.. yes 20 grown men nearly outnumbering the players hanging off the coaches every word at half time. All passing Gator aid to their little up and coming star player, nodding at the right parts, patting their kid on the arse. I mean for fucks sake, what are they going to do, does this somehow make them more efficient fucking water boys?

“Coach has decided to make the pack move forward more so im gunna make sure I have that water at the ready!” WOW!!! go man go!!!

Seriously you have to see this shit it’s like the Stepford Husbands.. 20 men dressed the same all smiling and kissing arse.. SCARY!

So what about me?  Well I have spent 5 years avoiding this shit.. i really don’t care what the coach has to say nor am I about to run my arse off taking the little shits water! And needless to say I DON’T wear the fucking team jersey. So how does my son feel about this? He loves it. Why? Because sport is his thing and I respect that, I support him, I pay the fee’s, I make sure he’s at games on time, but the rest is up to him. It’s taught him that even though people may not like something they tolerate it because it’s important to someone they love. And he respects me for the time I give him, we actually have a good time driving there and back. And honestly isn’t that what these things are about, letting YOUR KID have some fun and do a little bonding!

Oh and I um forgot to mention how I avoid the other parents, the secret to my survival..  I have a Digital SLR camera and a fucking hot 300mm lens, I spend my time doing something my son actually gets a kick out of. I take action pics of him and his mates playing. He loves it, his mates love it, they post them all over fricking Facebook.. i’m a fucking goddam hero! And i TOTALLY avoid the other parents.



Its Just Like Any Other Job

I have been around the block a few times. I’ve met an incredible diverse range of people from all occupations. Recently I have had the fortune of getting to know some cam girls and hookers. Now before you all start thinking.. oh Fleshy’s had a dry spell and he’s forking over the coin.. no.. well yes I have had a dry spell.. but that’s another blog topic.. this is about those sweet ladies who happened to earn their living selling sex, this is an extended version of a status I did on Facebook.

Sex workers are not new to my sphere of friends, when i was a photographer I used to have a few as clients for various portfolio pics they needed. And what is also not new is the way a lot of guys seem to treat them. Because their work involves nudity and sex it seems to send some guys into another world.. of assholeness. For some reason the removal of clothes also indicates the removal of manners and thoughts of humanity. I have seen some of the messages these guys send to cam girls, and how they treat them even on their social web sites.. fucking hell.. I wouldn’t talk to my dog like that! There’s an immediate assumption that because these girls are selling themselves they are.. loose, cheap, stupid and easy.

WOW.. just because they take their clothes off.  Also the no means no rule seems to go out the window with some guys. This is a JOB, its what they do to earn a living.. just like your fucking accountant. If you went to your accountant and had a great plan to rip off the Tax department and they said no.. are you going to tell them to fuck off they are doing it anyway then jump the desk and force them to?

It’s time we all remembered that these people are someones Daughter, Sister, Niece, Aunt, Mother, Girlfriend or simply friend. They deserve our respect just like we would do for any other profession. Don’t confuse your moral ideas of what they do, with who they are. That’s your fucking problem not theirs.

Some of the smartest and friendliest people i have met have been hookers.. some of them I knew their career before we met, others I found out later. I just think it’s time people stopped making assumptions about someone based on their line of work. It may surprise you that I know a few accountants who are wild party animals, one in particular has a habit of being thrown out of casinos for.. public displays of overt affection lol – there’s another stereotype broken.

Besides they have the COOLEST stories!