A diatribe about.. diatribes

Ok i admit there is an element of irony in this.. but fuck it.. it’s my blog, my FUCKING rules!! Oh shit, did i suddenly put my FACEBOOK persona on?

aaahhhh yes Facebook, such an innocent name but such a prick of a place to hang! Is it me or have people totally lost the goddam plot on social networks. There wouldn’t be a day goes by now i don’t see someone.. on EITHER of my profiles, (normal or “secret”), throw a massive dummy spit about something or someone. And so VENAL.. i mean seriously if you were face to face with a group of people and you spewed that shit out.. they’d have you fucking locked up!!! Ok i can see you all knodding you know what I mean.. i’ll bet some of you are even guilty of these rants. tsk tsk tsk..

I keep my Facebook status like this blog, either humorous commentary.. life observations or.. yes the ODD dummy spit.. However, I try and contain my “Status Rants” based on the following scenario.. I’m in a pub, drinking with mates.. somethings pissed me off.. what do i scream out? Simple isn’t it. Do I name the focus of my anger (remember the “group” of friends at the pub are you facebook buddies – all of them).. NO.. do i give veiled clues to their identity.. NO.. I just vent some shit and move on. If it’s a personal problem with someone I don’t “status” a goddamn fucking thing. Why? because from what i’ve seen, after the inital buzz of doing it.. there’s a fuck-load of regret that washes in like a  massive turd tsunami.

I’ve seen some sad sad motherfuckers doing some pathetic shit on their updates.. the intial rant.. the follow up total fucking mad rant.. then the ever so wilder and more abusive rant.. then the pity rant.. the “what about me” rant.. etc..  yes, looks familar doesn’t it.. facebook ranters are like cheap drunks on a Goon buzz.. and most of these fools are SOBER!

COME ON PEOPLE!!!!! It’s a fucking SOCIAL site!!! it’s not even REAL!!!

Lets all promise now to following these basic yet important facebook rules..

1. I WILL NOT use facebook as a place to vent my spleen about other facebookers I have friended (non-friends are fair game of course)

2. I WILL NOT name and shame friends who i think are pissing me off at this micro-second.

3. I WILL promise to walk away, YES WALK AWAY from my facebook page when i feel the boiling anger and temptation to take some arsehole down with the blinding power of my pathetic Status Update – come on, do you really think your making a cutting social commentary on the person, or just looking like some whinging arse with an axe to grind?

4. I WILL NOT DELETE FRIENDS IN A MOMENT OF ANGER. (ok, sorry that ones for me.. Red.. you fucking idiot!)

So live by these 3 (ok 4 for me ) rules.. Try to post something silly.. stupid.. funny.. if you’ve got shit on the liver for the day.. stay away from Facebook! Lets try and make it fun friendly and dirty mmmmm.. yes, like a night at the pub!!!


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