I have recently got in contact with a close friend of mine who I’d had a falling out with several decades ago. It got me thinking about how we ended up falling out in the first place and how NASTY friends can be when it turns bad.
I could count on one hand the number of “best” or close friends that i’ve had. I know a lot of people and have a lot of acquaintances, but I am hesitant to get to that trust level you need with a best friend. It’s like a sacred covenant.. a mutual understanding you both reach, nothing is hidden.. everything is revealed. Well thats how I treat it anyway and so have my few best friends over the years. For me thats a big deal, a REALLY big deal. And that is where the trouble starts when things turn sour.
The friend this topic is about I’ve known since I was 10, lets call him Enid, he reads this blog and that name is a bit of an injoke between us. Enid and I went through school together, and the start of Uni. We share a lot of common interests but also have enough differences to make things interesting. We are both competent writers, although he has always maintained he’s better than I am.. sure try it on. We both ended up in advertising although though different paths, so our work lives never crossed, luckly.
In our early 20’s we had a falling out.. and typically for males our age it was over women and drugs. Such a combination. Anyway, one of the “hallmarks” of a “best” friend relationship is of course honesty. And thats where the trouble started. He had developed a little taste for a certain style of umm smoke.. After spending endless nights visiting him while he laid on the floor and stared at a candle (ok now you know what he was umm smoking), I had to be the one to tell him “dude its fucking with your head man” ok well maybe not in those exact words, but they do add to the story! He also had a flat mate who was anti-drugs and objected to him umm drying his hydroponic creations out in the stove and was begging for me, as his best friend, to talk to him. Oh and I was also kinda keen to have sex with her.. so that did play a little factor. So a verbal stoush ensued over a few weeks, with both of us dragging up shit from our past where we’d made a mistake or been wrong.. fuck you can IMAGINE how much of that there was!
Well Enid made his decision, he kicked out his flat mate, got a new one and promptly stopped talking to me (well we both stopped) and found a better way to dry his plants. We didnt speak for 19 years, we are now, and as is the case with best friends we just picked up as normal like it had never happened. Oh, i did manage to fuck his NEW flat mate.. don’t know if I ever told him though.. oppsss.. but honestly Enid she’d moved out.. it wasnt on your couch or kitchen bench tops!
With best friends you know EXACTLY what to say to send the other one into a rage. Things you supported each other on, are now fair game to be torn down and thrown in each others face. Its cruel, it hurts and you wonder as it happens why the fuck you ever trusted each other in the first place. In some ways I think best friend relationships are tighter and also more dangerous than you have with a romantic partner. Shit I’ve been through a divorce and it wasnt as nasty as these got!
So i guess thats the irony of best friends.. when its good its brilliant.. but when its bad it can be the worst fucking pain in the ass in your life.. because best friends do truly make the best.. worst enemies.